Been reflecting on how cool our boys are turning out to be. What awesome little humans they are! Thinking about the friends they've been blessed with during their lifetimes, and what their futures might hold for them. Been thinking about my own life, too, and how comfortable I am in my own skin. The boys are, too. It's not necessarily, "self-confidence" that we have, but I'd say it's more of a confidence in knowing who we are/how we were made/that we are loved despite our imperfections.
Boys- down the road, if you look back at these blog posts, I hope you treasure these memories that were made and photos that were collected. Maybe even have glimpses at things about me that you may not have known before. It has been so fun watching you mature. I am super independent and have raised you boys to be so as well; not needy and not overly dependent on your parents. My goal has been to encourage and enable you to be strong and to do things for yourselves; to empower you. In watching how you act and interact and function, even amidst peers that are the same age as(or even older than) you, I am confident that that goal has been met. Even at ages of 13, 11.5, and 10, the 3 of you are responsible, kind-hearted, bent towards truth and good decision-making, careful, and trustworthy; yet you are fun-loving and great kids to be around. Kids like you. Adults like you. You are good influences on other kids. You are as imperfect as all of the other kids in the world, and your imperfect mother is pretty darn proud of who you are.
A few tid-bits, for the future, that you probably already know but might need a reminder of, as you get older.
-A true friend celebrates you for you, despite being different. Just like you do that with other kids who are different from you- you still enjoy their company, and applaud things friends do well in, even if they are different than what you do, it should go the other way, too. If you play piano well, and play a piece in front of a group, or if you win an award for something you worked hard it, a true friend will be the first on their feet to clap and cheer you on. The friend who sits with their arms crossed and mutters, "Show off" as you walk back to your seat? You can still hang out with them, but consider them an aquaintance. Don't wager too much on that friendship, because it probably isn't a true one. A true friend will not try to compete in life with you; they will walk alongside of you as you live life together, cheering each-other on.
-Same goes for your appearance. Good friends might razz each-other occasionally, especially if they are young men. But in general, if you are around someone who is always telling you that your hat is not cool enough or who points out a pimple, they are the person who has self-image problems and will always point "flaws" out in you to make themselves feel better. It's human nature. But, there are people who you will find to be true friends who are not scanning your appearance to point flaws out, and they are the better ones to spend time with. Trust me. Even as a grown woman, women do this- I could be very dressed up and my true friends might genuinely compliment my appearance, but some other women will squint their eyes and say in a fake tone, "Don't YOU look nice." And maybe point out a bruise on my leg and ask, "Ugh! What happened THERE?" ha! Same goes with other stuff. When you get an apartment or house one day, spend less time with the buds who come over and find something negative to point out about your house; the rust on your grill, a water stain on your wall, weeds in your garden, whatever. There will be plenty of guys who will be your true friends, who when you have them over, are not giving your house a once-over to judge it or be jealous of it. Those are the people you will really want to invest in.
-If you find a friend who emails you links to events to things they know you might like, keep them and treasure them. If you have a friend who attends an event that they later say they thought you might like but forgot to tell you about it, find a better friend. They exist. Also, be that friend- it doesn't take but a minute to make someone feel special and thought about and included.
-Keep remembering that the world does not revolve around you. Try to keep being empathetic and imagine what it's like to be in another's shoes. It will keep you being a good person.
-Don't take yourself too seriously. You are not perfect. You are not good at everything. So what. Laugh. When you suck badly at something, laugh. Who cares? You have other strengths. Don't be haughty and angry and embarrassed when you can't do something. I hate when people act like that, so don't. Laughing at yourself is good for the soul.
-If you cruise the strip at Hampton Beach, with friends, and meet a girl who is walking the strip, who agrees to hang out with you all and gets into the vehicle, that is not the kind of girl you want to be with, and actually, you shouldn't be doing that, anyway. (I write this as we were just at Hampton, and Dad and I recalled our teenaged years there.)
-You can call us, day or night. No matter what mistakes you've made or where you are, or what trouble you've gotten into or bad decisions you've made. Depending on the situation, Dad and I will likely come get you and help you out. We also might just allow you to pay natural consequences. ha
-Keep saying, "Please" and "Thank You" and keep making eye contact with people.
-Keep standing up for what is right, even if you are the only one. You will regret it if you cave under pressure and do something you think is wrong, or worse, do nothing when you see something that is wrong. Live with integrity and "do the right thing, even if nobody is looking."
-If I ever find out, even when you are grown men, that you stood up for a friend over one of your brothers, I will show up in person wherever you are living at that time and I will likely embarrass you in my anger. Your brothers come before any friends. When you get married, your wife will come before them, though, and before me, and Dad. And actually, if I find out that you are consulting me about something before your wife, I will be turning you around to talk to her first.
-Speaking of marriage- choose well. It's for a lifetime, for better or for worse. For fun times and for boring. For times when you're rolling in the dough and for times when you managed to rack up $20K on your Amex. For times when there are rainbows and unicorns and for times when the dog is sick, the baby is crying, the house is falling apart, you've both gained weight and life seems bleak. It's a contract, so make sure you choose a spouse who is on board with keeping that contract for life. Divorce sucks, plain and simple.
-Keep worshipping God and having the faith that has been displayed and taught to you to be your own. I can not have a relationship with God for you. That journey is your own. I do know that when my faith has been the strongest, is when I've been the most at peace. So try not to walk away from God, and keep your relationship with Him strong. When things crumble, you'll have an Anchor to hold onto.
-Don't let electronics take you away from music-playing time. Make instrument-time a priority. The world needs more music. Music crosses all boundaries, religions, cultures. Music makes people cry and smile. Keep playing it. It makes the world better and your home will always have a happy sound if music is being played in it.
I could not be more thankful to be your mother. That will never change.
