I love where I work.

Another Great Experience

Elijah had been loving volunteering with the WorkcampNE bands, these past couple of weeks.  I have had to drive him

for the extra hour every night he goes to serve there, but seeing how fulfilled he is (and seeing the occasional pic) makes it worth every minute of driving.

Date Day!

Slept in, 5 mile run, fishing via first canoe outing of the season, another grilled trout for dinner(caught by Mark, again)! 

The boys volunteered for their first Workcamp!

Did a little interior and exterior painting, a little flooring, a little roofing, and had a lot of fun.  Proud of them and happy they got to experience giving of their time and energy to others.

Went to fish for a little bit, last minute,

-and Mark caught the first trout of the season! 

Cam got an award for, "Most Practical" for his science fair.

Good job, buddy!

Instead of focusing on all of the plants that didn't survive-

(Due to moles and voles and chipmunks galore), 

-Gonna be happy over some of the pretties that did make it. 

Making the homeschooler come out for "P.E." in this nice weather.

Cam's First Science Fair at his school, tonight. Cute!

Boston Strong

Loved cheering the runners on for a few hours, today. Amazing experience, and so inspiring! 

Logan and Dad got to fish for the first time of the year, yesterday.

First (of three) planter boxes made-

-by Mark, for me, to cover three blueberry plants that I have planted inside of trash barrels.  (Learned that barrels help keep critters out of the plants, at a gardening class last year.) Better looking than a trash barrel, for sure! 

Pasque Flower

Funky, fuzzy, greyish flower buds, that lead to: boom! Bright purple and yellow flowers.  A few buds were open, on my plant today. Spring really is here!

Awesome Talent Show, Tonight!

The boys did great, and so did their buds.  Also, 2 other acts made me tear up because they were just amazing.  Such talent! Fun night.

Talent Show practice

Too cute.  This should be fun! 

Grief

Finding out that grief is a tricky thing.  I have been grieving relationships that I never had.  Funny how sometimes, we can think we have overcome an area of pain, for decades, only to find that there is still another layer of heartache to deal with, that is underlying.  Realizing that my grief of not being loved; that my recurring parental abandonment, which I thought was now just leftover scarring, is actually not a scar yet, but still a wound that oozes hurt into every pore and into every facet of me.  The feeling of not being loved; of being unlovable by everyone, creates a loneliness that hurts deep into my bones.  I can't seem to shake it.

Realizing that grieving can take much longer than I thought, or expected, or hoped, and realizing that I may grieve for my whole life, which feels...overwhelming to even think about.  I certainly hope I can somehow allow this wound to be a wound  but yet be able to stop mentally picking at the wound so that it can at least close up some.  Because it hurts, so much, and it affects every area of my life.  

I am going about my day to day, and the overly-busy schedule helps mask and deflect the pain I'm feeling, lately.  However, I have been feeling worse instead of better, this year.  This wound re-opened back in the fall of 2014, when life brought up some realizations about God, and about those around me, and it's just been a downhill spiral from there. Grief is tough.  I want to be authentic and share, in case anyone else reads this and feels alone in their journey of grief and loneliness, or in case I am able to look back at this entry, years from now, and be thankful for how far I've come, in healing.

And I hope I can continue to look for the good, and to try to notice the ways that I am cared about- and that I can be a joy-seeker, and not a wound-picker.  Trying to be contagious, and also courageous, in my authenticity.

Emerging seedlings

So excited to be germinating seeds from last year's Nasturtiums.  Have never collected seeds and then replanted the following year, so I'm loving this new gardening attempt! 

A yummy Science Fair Project

Hint: it involves baking cookies! Best ever. 

Our cute pooch

Duck eggs to incubate, and a hike in the woods!

Vernal Pool Night

Rainy day and warmer temps had me heading out with the boys for some amphibian-searching! Only Log, my fellow nature-lover, stayed out with me tonight, in the dark, although Elijah spotted our first one, tonight!  With a headlamp and flashlights, in our boots and coats, in the drizzle, we sought out the first amphibian finds of our season.  No frogs or toads, but we did find several red-spotted efts, a couple of them in aquatic salamander form(one was so cool- only it's head was sticking out of a hole, like a snake!!), and our last find was our favorite black-spotted salamander. What a blast. 

I will miss this.

The Legos are already gone from the bedroom shelves- how did that happen?? I miss them.  I miss the baby decor, too, that disappeared long before the Legos did.  And I will one day also miss the mess of other assorted trinkets that 11 year old boys love.  The mess makes me smile(sometimes). The wall letters that make up their names, that are all askew from being knocked down by energetic boys, make me smile, too- they've had those since they were born.  I wonder when they'll outgrow those, too? 

The Hooded Mergansers are back!

The two pairs that I passed, on the river on our road, this morning, may have been feeling confused by the snow and cold temps.  They were a sure sign that spring really is here, even though it doesn't feel like it, today! 

Found some great stock pics online, to go with my blurry, "from the van" pic. 

Gluten-Free Finds

Been reading that gluten-free diets tend to help with flare ups from auto-immune diseases, like Elijah's recent diagnosis of Vitiligo. Been on the hunt for gluten-free foods for him to try.  Some are hits, some have been misses.  Even though our grocery bill has skyrocketed (gluten-free foods are expensive! We budget $325 now, a week, for groceries!), we are thankful to be able to try this out, for the health of our kid. There are more gf options than I ever expected, and that makes me happy! 

The scene at 5:45am:

(It was 70 degrees a couple of days ago. Just gotta laugh!)

The 11year old "making me" read the book he finished.

"Mom. Here. You MUST read this.  No, really.  You will LOVE this book.  It will make you cry! If anyone would love this book, it's you, Mom! It's really good! Read this!"

April Fools!

Less shenanigans this year, but I still enjoyed some laughs, via Saran Wrap, a megaphone wake up call, and other silly pranks. 

I also noticed that I had doubled up on days, a couple of weeks ago, with these posts, so I'm a day off! Ha! No fooling! 

Cam had a blast in his first public-school show.

And I had a blast, watching.